sometimes i like to be lost. cause right when i realize i have arrived to a destination...i am reminded that I still have no clue.

i see patterns.

why do i flee so recklessly and fall so quickly. setting myself up for what? trying to be someone or whatever i think i should be..desperate for relief. to be known and to be noticed as such and such because of this or that without the faintest idea in the first place.

an extreme of two realms that bark like dogs. one needs to be killed. one needs to be nurtured. what if i threw them both out. what would happen if i took a chance to search within? a strength inside an unreliable self deeply entangled in struggle? how do i trust that? why is it that i want to be something so quickly? what are my intentions? perhaps a method of obtaining a new identity to replace the one which was lost. to walk on a solid ground and embrace tradition allures me everytime. within me lies deep questioning but the surface offers a different claim. i have an attachment to an outcome. i say this to cover that and before i continue i am wondering why i even said it in the first place. i forget that my heart is broken and instead of sitting still i want a fill. i want to be healed right now. an empty cup seeking to fill another. i ask myself if its real everyday. it makes sense. but then again i am not sure. why can't i be ok with not knowing. its because i need to be something. but silence seems active. its part of the process.

so my blogs wont be self help. or believe this or that. just an invitation of questions.