Choice

This word evokes so much within me.
I tend to be a thinker and dwell in the thought which delays me making a choice. Or its the very undoing of that choice. I often do not want to make the choice in fear of making the wrong one. In fear of getting severly hurt or hurting someone. In fear of failing and regretting it.
I told myself that 2011 is about me being bold and just making things happen..

How do i know the choice i'm making is the right one? How do i know its wrong?
I think we know a lot more than we think we do.
There is a song by Ray LaMontagne that says "the answer...is within you."

My mom told me yesterday her choices are driven by her faith combined with her fierce determination. She goes after it. She believes it will happen and if its not meant to be she trusts that God will reveal.

My dear friend said these words last night that resonated so deep within me.
"what is the fruit of any choice? Does it bear fruit of kindness, gentleness, goodness, love, patience, joy..ect? Or are the results of the choice opposite by bearing hate, lies, selfishness, sadness to self or to others?

Another friend of mine said the other day; "if its not a hell yes, then its a hell no!"

I also think with choice there comes a certain trust. A trust within yourself and your surroundings. I want to trust myself enough to be able to choose. I want to love myself enough to be able to make the right choice.

A new year

Is it really 2011? Feels like a dream.

But it is..oh it sure is, a new year.

The famous question.. "what's your new year's resolution?"

For some reason that question always baffles me. It's something similar to that question "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" hell if I know.

I never know how to answer. Oh but i try. I really do. Waiting my turn to be asked the infamous question, i begin to nervously conjure up thoughts, elaborating something profound in my head that would impress me and those who hear it.

If i loose weight it's probably for the wrong reasons or because I'm sick.

I want to be a bit more oganized..but i don't want to say it i just want to do it.

I would like to make A's in nursing school..but let's face it. I have to be realistic. It probably won't happen. So passing will suffice.

Taking a look back on 2010 i am reminded of a rough year.

A year that began my nursing career... having no direction..to then create it along the way as a result of being thrown into something that has taught me a great deal about myself and life already.

Heart breaks. hmm yes. Can we all say amen to that?

I like to think that i can be pretty damn resilient..but this year was filled with some challenging let downs that i tried so hard to package up and put away but then found them re-opening yet again with different faces.

But as hard as that can be... i don't want to spend too much time trying to understand it. I just shake hands with it. Bow my head to it. Make peace with it.. and say thank you. Thank you oh great teacher. Then move on.

My favorite part of "Happy new year" is the word "new" .

I am ready for new. Ready for the newness this season has for me and me for it.

What is my new years resolution?

Continue. Evolve.

Continue doing what I am doing. Going to school.. getting closer to my degree..tasting that sweet credential of RN behind my name.

Evolve.

Within the realm of consistency. Yes success is wonderful. A goal is great. But being exactly who I am as is..careful not to be emeshed or attached to an identity (like an RN..)

Sharing that sort of reciprocity between the two.

So here we go.

Go. do. be. create. love. smile. feel. breathe.

it can all be different in 5 minutes. it can all be new.

Feliz. New. Year

:)