Repeat, Try again, Second chance.

Life is full of these.

So I've been in a writing mood these past couple of days.. i don't normally post this much at once but i have been very contemplative during my time off from school, and purposefully so. I've had a lot to think about especially when it comes to school.

Nursing school has been challenging, enlightening and disheartening.

I was riding the "enlightening wave" for some time and then hit challenge head on full speed ahead with a knock down of discouragement that left me a bit disenchanted with this whole idea of being a nurse. A tough teacher who told me she is keeping me back a semester...A teacher who questioned whether or not i should be doing this.. A teacher who told me i had a lot to think about these next three weeks on my break.

So I am thinking..contemplating..

What if this type of thing didn't happen? We would really never feel the need to stop and wrestle..

So it definitely has been a catalyst.

It's taken me on a tailspin of thoughts and what could be's or what if's... but that can last forever and it certainly takes way too much space in the brain.. i need to leave room for other things!

So what do i do?

Wait for the cheesyness..

I watch an episode of Mercy. haha. It's your typical "ER"-"Grey's Anatomy" or "Boston Med" type show, but it focuses on nurses. wam bam, thank you mam. Finally.

Ok, so I'm watching this show.. and there is this girl that i totally identify with. She is new on the team..a graduate nurse, fresh outa school with a masters even.

She has absolutely no clue what she's doing...

But there is one thing she has, and it's so evident. Passion.

On her first day, her patient coded and all she knew to do was scream and cry out for help. The medical team rapidly responded with all the tubes and oxygen nessecary for resistation..

Then towards the end of the episode it shows this nurse visiting the patients room. the patient, a young 15 year old hanging by a thread was accompanied by his mother who just sat there numb staring at her son.

the nurse grabs a box of tissues, pulls a chair beside her...and they both began to cry.

so of course i am now shit faced crying too.. oh geez.

It made me think.

Skill. Emotion.

It takes time to learn a skill. Nothing comes easy.. and it's part of the process. It's unavoidable. It's not always fun.. and it sure can be quite a daunting and intimidating task.

Just like a teacher. Grading papers. Dealing with difficult parents. Non-complaint students..

Just like a manager.

Every career-trade-vocation has so many challenges.

But i can't rely soley on emotion.. I need skill. I need to get through the tough stuff and I can make a difference too.. they go hand in hand. And here I am trying to seperate the two which makes it so difficult to de-code this grand mystery of whether i am on the right career path.

So I will repeat Nursing II.