The Filament

Nursing and Unitarian Universalism.
What do these two have in common?

Well, for me, they share this undeniable influence that brings me to this place.

It's so insanely interesting to me the experience each new season of life brings. The new challenges and opportunities brought forth. The joys. The sorrows. Happy is the heart that still feels pain right?

I'm not gonna lie, there is a deep pain in the process of transforming and stripping oneself to their very core. Old ways are either left behind or seriously questioned. Not to mention, it takes work! But there is undoubtedly an evolution that takes place that is so thrilling. It leaves nothing but hope.

I feel like I can break up my 20's into little compartments. Each one having their own unique advancement into something a little more and more authentic...and I am walking right into it.

For the past month and a half, I have been attending a Unitarian Universalist church. It's been an adventure for sure. I am finding that I have always had these liberal butterflies flying around in the back of my head.. but I had no idea how to reconcile or even begin to dissect them. I love the fact that there are many walks of life. Pagans, Atheists, Buddhists, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Agnostics...

The hospital.
Another setting to meet all different kinds of people.

As you may or may not know, I am in the second semester of nursing school. During clinical a few weeks ago I was in the hospital supply room gathering some equipment to discontinue my patient's IV. I had company. My teacher was with me explaining to me what i needed exactly to perform the procedure. The room is small and cold, filled with an overabundance of supplies that seem to go to waste most of the time. Anyways, as I nervously looked around for 2x2 gauze, my teacher breathing the breath of fire right at my neck took that opportunity to share with me how she felt about my nursing care.
Here we go.

My patient that week was Muslim. She had her family with her at her bedside watching every move I made. I wanted to be culterally sensitive and make sure I provided additional privacy during care.

But my teacher thought otherwise.. She didn't think i had a good concept of this patient's background and that I see things black and white. She believes this is why i struggle with nursing application on the unit floor in general. She continued on by saying..."you know Melissa, nursing is not all theory and it certainly isn't predictable. It's not a formula you can learn to then come back the next day and expect it to work the same way. The connection is not being made that there are so many different approaches to nursing care and interventions with your different patients. Gulp.
The room was no longer cold.

She has a point though. I don't totally agree with her estimation of me and my performance as a student nurse, but I don't argue.

It's like being thrown into a sea of unpredictable currents and tides. That's how i feel on the hospital unit right now. And I can't seem to speed things up!

When I worked at Starbucks, it took me like 8 weeks to get comfortable making a latte. Just a damn latte!
Soon thereafter, I was on a roll! I made drinks left and right. I had my own little groove thang and wasnt hesitant at all. I would whip up a triple venti, 2 pump, 3 splenda, whole milk caramel macchiato all while having a conversation with my customer about their day at work!

I'm hoping this will transcend into my nursing career. haha. because $5 coffee is so important you know.

Confidence.

It takes time. And it takes confidence to move into these transitions in life. It takes confidence to believe that wherever we are at, whatever we believe is where we need to be. There is so much peace in that. It doesn't look a certain way as much as I really would like a clear picture and answer to things, I am afraid that will take away from the mystery and I won't have anything to celebrate.

Movement.

Fast. Slow. Easy. Hard. It's movement. It can be uncomfortable. But so is staying still.

I just hope my teacher sees that even though I'm movin slow it's progress! Plus, I am going to be doing this for a long time..so I better utilize all this time and really connect with it.
Nursing has become such a passion of mine in this short period of time in my life.

Belief.

There was a former way of believing and it seemed very confining. I wouldn't say black and white. For me, it's been more of a splash of mixed colors without any clear cut edges, unsure of where to even start. Questioning was stifled and certainly not safe. It was a more formulaic way of living, and it wasn't because I really wanted to. It was because I was scared to move beyond the boundaries of what I felt confined me spiritually.

People.

Period. Being open to understanding different cultures and beliefs.There is so much to be gained and to learn by others. I am discovering this...

And that is why I love that there are communities of people that allow for this to be lived out and validated.

And I continue...