Traveling Mercies

I just got back from a trip to Chattanooga Tennesee. The pictures above are a few from a place called Fall Creek Falls. There is just something about being in the mountains that frees my soul. Everything makes sense in the midst of confusion and crisis. I can best describe it like a lily pad that holds me lightly staying afloat... exactly were I am and where I need to be at that very moment.

I packed really light. 2 pairs of jeans, 3 shirts, and my hippie sandals made in brazil ( i bought them at urban outfitters). I didnt bring my moleskin and i wasnt interested in reading anything at all.. not the Bible not any kind of literature.. I just got on a plane with a carry-on and my purse and no expectations.

I visited a sweet friend. She and I had long talks and delicous healthy food made from scratch ( I am still figuring out how to do this at home). We experienced the serenity that nature brought each of us in our own individual way. We sat in the middle of a flowing creek among pointy rocks with our feet emersed in the cold refreshing water. There were many times that i just closed my eyes to hear all the sounds around me. The water, the wind, the leaves, the crickets.. I was taking it in. I rarely experience this at home and I'm sure that I could...I just dont take enough time. I dont make any time. I worry too much about everything else... everyone else. I worry so much that i dont believe in something that maybe i should. I worry that my spirituality is slowly dying because it has to as a result of inconsistency.

Even though i was sure not to get involved in reading anything spiritual this weekend, small sparks of interest ignited as I was intrigued by a book my friend had been reading called "Further thoughts on Faith" by Anne Lamott. First off, i really really like this author and I love her dread locks. She has and incredibly candid way of expressing her journey and life. She can be extremely reverent and irreverent all in the same breath. She is not afraid to say shit damn or even fuck. I feel more human when I read her story.

Not only do i feel more human but i feel comforted. Comforted by her writings because there is something so liberating when I start to realize that just beccause i have this set of thoughts in my head doesnt mean i am bound to it. Thank goodness. And i am guilty of confining my conflict. I take my spirituality and try it on like a pair of jeans searching for the perfect fit rather than holding it lightly and trusting that its a slow process and slow steps.. that it doesnt have to die and i dont have to be so scared.

I need other's perspectives, others' stories... those who have been through the muck of life and said "fuck it.. I give up..please take over"I also need the ability to glean. Glean from others instad of be threatened by... and their journeys and to be constantly mindful that my journey is mine and so are my beliefs and disbeliefs.

I think its funny that i started to read this book when i did. I was traveling and so was she.

I love pictures, and i love taking them. I especially like the picture above that is of a bridge and the forest. I can go right or left or stay on the bridge. There is an entire experience awaiting and so much i have to learn. It is so symbolic.

So i continue to travel and hope to experience mercy and grace and not be scared of it and it doesn't need to be so much of this horrific and tragic decline of loosing my faith because it feels extremely uncomfortable or blasphemous... instead i would like for it to be as though i am on a lily pad staying afloat exactly where i need to be.