Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Questions
Living in them.
Waiting without answers.
I am not really ok with the waiting part. Isn't there supposed to be some sort of movement in a direction?
Even if it's the wrong one?
I trust that it will be corrected if its wrong, and i believe it will still be fruitful. come what may.
the simple truth; a creature seperates from an old way of existence to then enter a time of metamorphosis and emerge to a new level of being.
like a chrysalis.
nature has a way of showing us this process. i believe this is how an answer is revealed. not an answer that solves the problem or takes the pain away. most of the time it confirms that we can't run away.. we can't speed it up, we can't avoid pain. we are weak but strength is on the brink. we just have to wait. edure. hope. trust. and most importantly let go.
so i ask myself these questions in the midst of my spiritual journey.
What holds me together?
Where do i put my trust?
Am i being my true, unfettered self?
What am I holding on to?
What do i need to let go?
the questions feel something like wilderness. i can either explore it or get lost in it.
if we stripped ourselves to our very core,the essense of who we are, what would that look like?
who would we be?
it's hard to imagine us without those things. because they make us who we are.. but its interesting to think about it.
Waiting without answers.
I am not really ok with the waiting part. Isn't there supposed to be some sort of movement in a direction?
Even if it's the wrong one?
I trust that it will be corrected if its wrong, and i believe it will still be fruitful. come what may.
the simple truth; a creature seperates from an old way of existence to then enter a time of metamorphosis and emerge to a new level of being.
like a chrysalis.
nature has a way of showing us this process. i believe this is how an answer is revealed. not an answer that solves the problem or takes the pain away. most of the time it confirms that we can't run away.. we can't speed it up, we can't avoid pain. we are weak but strength is on the brink. we just have to wait. edure. hope. trust. and most importantly let go.
so i ask myself these questions in the midst of my spiritual journey.
What holds me together?
Where do i put my trust?
Am i being my true, unfettered self?
What am I holding on to?
What do i need to let go?
the questions feel something like wilderness. i can either explore it or get lost in it.
if we stripped ourselves to our very core,the essense of who we are, what would that look like?
who would we be?
it's hard to imagine us without those things. because they make us who we are.. but its interesting to think about it.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A little song of love
You captivate me
Your in my thoughts
Your smell it takes me
Beyond
Beyond my imagination
Beyond everything
So meet me here
So meet me here
Lets run together
and go real far
through fields of flowers
and be who we are
So meet me here
So meet me here
And love eachother
Lets love eachother
And love forever
And love
Your in my thoughts
Your smell it takes me
Beyond
Beyond my imagination
Beyond everything
So meet me here
So meet me here
Lets run together
and go real far
through fields of flowers
and be who we are
So meet me here
So meet me here
And love eachother
Lets love eachother
And love forever
And love
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
First clinical experience
So I've made it through my first semester of nursing school! I thought it would never end. I questioned time after time why the hell I was doing this, it seemed way too time consuming. Then i read the chapters on caring in nursing practice. There were so many chapters on medical administration, assessment, catheter insertions as well as NG tubes, injections among many other skills we needed to demonstrate and perform without error. The unthinkable, I did it. I got through all skills. But it wasn't until we started clinicals when it hit me, and I realized that i really wanted so badly just to be around people. So this entry is a little snip bit of my time with my resident at the assisted living.
My second week of clinicals was a very eye opening experience. Prior to this I can't say that I have given the aging process as much thought as maybe I should. I am so focused on my immediate needs that I do not allow much room for future or perhaps the bigger picture of my life. Life is jumbled up into being 28 and it is hard to imagine anything else.
More intimate time with my resident this week most certainly broke through my very limited concept of this whole progression of the aging individual. My resident asked me questions about my life. She was genuinely intersted moreso the second week than the first, to get know me better. I desired the same with her. She seemed more comfortable and her voice more free and animated. She read me poems that she wrote earlier on in her life and I shared with her that I wrote music and poems too. I could see that sparked excitement in her, the commonality we shared. She shared with me stories of her husband and when they first met. She recalled the many times when she was so confused about her medical conditions that now make sense in her later years. She was told that she could not have any children and she has four. I can only imagine her at my age. A time of financial hardship. A time during war, during the Great Depression. A time where women had different functions and expectations as what is seen now. To have lived through so much and yet there is still more time, more time to rekindle spirituality whatever the means or becomes, more time left to still learn, to still read, to still write poems. She loves to read. One big thing that will stick with me now and forever was also the ability to see one who has aged as a prime example of the ability to cope through change overtime. The hardships and change of establishments and the vigor to share having been through it. So this experience was extremely thought provoking for me. I began thinking of life and aging and the process that is such a continuous phenomena. It brings hope to things unknown. It welcomes thoughts and questions to this process that seemed stifled by fear or just mere misunderstanding.
My second week of clinicals was a very eye opening experience. Prior to this I can't say that I have given the aging process as much thought as maybe I should. I am so focused on my immediate needs that I do not allow much room for future or perhaps the bigger picture of my life. Life is jumbled up into being 28 and it is hard to imagine anything else.
More intimate time with my resident this week most certainly broke through my very limited concept of this whole progression of the aging individual. My resident asked me questions about my life. She was genuinely intersted moreso the second week than the first, to get know me better. I desired the same with her. She seemed more comfortable and her voice more free and animated. She read me poems that she wrote earlier on in her life and I shared with her that I wrote music and poems too. I could see that sparked excitement in her, the commonality we shared. She shared with me stories of her husband and when they first met. She recalled the many times when she was so confused about her medical conditions that now make sense in her later years. She was told that she could not have any children and she has four. I can only imagine her at my age. A time of financial hardship. A time during war, during the Great Depression. A time where women had different functions and expectations as what is seen now. To have lived through so much and yet there is still more time, more time to rekindle spirituality whatever the means or becomes, more time left to still learn, to still read, to still write poems. She loves to read. One big thing that will stick with me now and forever was also the ability to see one who has aged as a prime example of the ability to cope through change overtime. The hardships and change of establishments and the vigor to share having been through it. So this experience was extremely thought provoking for me. I began thinking of life and aging and the process that is such a continuous phenomena. It brings hope to things unknown. It welcomes thoughts and questions to this process that seemed stifled by fear or just mere misunderstanding.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Today
Marks my 2 years with CorVel (the company i have been working for) as well as my last day!
How do i feel about this? Hmm.. well I'm scared and excited.
what scares me about all of this?
I will no longer be recieving a bi-weekly paycheck, at least for about 3 months or so and my entire routine is going to change!!! I am such a woman of routine. so for me, change is a bit cumbersome and i loathe it for a while..but then evenutally slip into a rhythm that fits me into a new routine.
How am I going to make $? Lots of jazzercise, dogsitting.. unless i can find a flexible gig that can bring in a steady paycheck.
this is a leap of faith.
what excites me about all of this?
I will be learning!! yay. i love to learn. and not just learn, but put it into practice.
i will be meeting new faces and making new friends building a support system for one another so we can succeed. this is a new concept for me because i do things a lot by myself. i study alone..i play the guitar alone..i read alone..
so this will be a socially awakening challenge... a challenge to rise up and help others and be interested in their lives.
I will be able to play my guitar more and focus on my music. i know it isnt relevent to nursing but this whole season i am entering into is not all about nursing. it's a new season. seasons bring lots of different colored leaves.
so there it is. for now at least...
I will write more about things as they come.
until then, i will be enjoying giovanni's pizza and cake from too-jays ordered for my last day here! :)
How do i feel about this? Hmm.. well I'm scared and excited.
what scares me about all of this?
I will no longer be recieving a bi-weekly paycheck, at least for about 3 months or so and my entire routine is going to change!!! I am such a woman of routine. so for me, change is a bit cumbersome and i loathe it for a while..but then evenutally slip into a rhythm that fits me into a new routine.
How am I going to make $? Lots of jazzercise, dogsitting.. unless i can find a flexible gig that can bring in a steady paycheck.
this is a leap of faith.
what excites me about all of this?
I will be learning!! yay. i love to learn. and not just learn, but put it into practice.
i will be meeting new faces and making new friends building a support system for one another so we can succeed. this is a new concept for me because i do things a lot by myself. i study alone..i play the guitar alone..i read alone..
so this will be a socially awakening challenge... a challenge to rise up and help others and be interested in their lives.
I will be able to play my guitar more and focus on my music. i know it isnt relevent to nursing but this whole season i am entering into is not all about nursing. it's a new season. seasons bring lots of different colored leaves.
so there it is. for now at least...
I will write more about things as they come.
until then, i will be enjoying giovanni's pizza and cake from too-jays ordered for my last day here! :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Sound of Silence
Sitting in a place awaiting something
Pleading for a reason to believe
Understanding nothing but deciding
The sound of silence has to be the answer
Pleading for a reason to believe
Understanding nothing but deciding
The sound of silence has to be the answer
Because it is
Something of a settling
Within my soul
The beauty and the dwelling
Unraveling a burning curiosity
That brings me back here
Returning to return and I come back
In hopes of some desired accomplishment
Wisdom sitting on my bed awaiting
But still the silence and the candle burns
Because it is
Something of a settling
Within my soul
The beauty and the dwelling
Unraveling a burning curiosity
That brings me back here
The aroma of this all too familiar place
That I created in hopes for something greater
And I don’t know if I will ever find
The answer
Except for silence
The sound of silence
Breathing in the solitude I wonder
If the unresolved remains sacred yet I ponder
What will come
Of this
The sound of silence
In my midst.
I decide within
I decide to trust
I decide I need to just release
And become.
and become
The aroma of this all too familiar place
That I created in hopes for something greater
And I don’t know if I will ever find
The answer
Except for silence
The sound of silence
Breathing in the solitude I wonder
If the unresolved remains sacred yet I ponder
What will come
Of this
The sound of silence
In my midst.
I decide within
I decide to trust
I decide I need to just release
And become.
and become
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